We Are What We Were

I love heritage. In a sense, I think it connects us to future generations in a way that, deep in the bones, feels like we're leaving something meaningful behind. Otherwise, why would we so fiercely cling to our Italian foods, our Irish festivals, our German ... stubbornness!

So anyhow, for years I've been telling my kids about my Irish, Italian, German, English, Scottish heritage. And for years, they – with goading from my lovely wife – have laughed uproariously at what they believe is a thinly-veiled attempt on my part to find any excuse for a party. So when my son Phil, who is now trotting across my European ancestral homelands, wrote me about his visit to Italy, I replied with reference to my family.

And here's how it went:

Hey Phil. Awesome to hear from you. It [Genoa] sounds absolutely fantastic. Italy has always been high on my bucket list, especially with my Italian relatives. As I understand, most of them were from Termini Imerese on the north coast of Sicily, quite a ways from where you are. What's next on the list? Where have you been so far so I can chart it out on a map here!

Lots of talk in the U.S. this weak about the potential for a big bank bailout in Spain, maybe even as early as this weekend. Like Greece, they are struggling with a debt crisis. Greece is also in the news with some big upcoming election, which I understand has emotions running high. So keep your head down!

Otherwise, all is good here. I start training in earnest for the Hy-Vee Tri on Labor Day. Need to run and swim ... A LOT! I also want to get up to the Lake for some quality sailing time. Hopefully I can talk your mom into it as well.

Take care, take lots of photos, and have a blast! Love ya, Dad

Phil's reply:

Italian relatives?? I'm confident you have told me that you have relatives in every country! Miller must be a multinational name... But we are in the Cinque Terre national park. Its absolutely beautiful! You and mom need to get here! Next is Florence, doing the big city thing again.

I am trying to keep up to date on those countries! Will definitely be an interesting time to be there! I'll be your boots on the ground and keep you updated. Selfishly, I'm cheering for a currency devaluation! Wow, that's bad! Ha ha, I'll keep you updated though. Take care! -Phil

Note the snide reference to "Miller" as a multinational name. Typical! So I decided to lower the boom as follows:

Okay Phil, dear son, since you all think I make this up, here goes.

My dad, Leo Miller's mom was Catherine Balsamo and his father was Leo Miller. Grandma emigrated here with her family after WWII and settled in St. Paul (lots of Balsamos on the east side). Grandpa's parents were German farmers living just north of St. Paul where Roseville is now. Despite the best efforts of both families to screw it up, Kay and Leo were married (I'm told there was a brawl during the wedding between the two families ... something about the Italians leaving the Germans high and dry after they threw out Mussolini). Kay was 100 percent Italian (from Termini, and I'm told alternately either members or victims of the Black Hand), Leo 100 percent German from the Frankfurt region.

Now, mom's parents, Grandma Dorothy and Grandpa Lee sport a bit better lineage. Grandma's bloodlines through her mother can be traced all the way back to the Daughters of the American Revolution with English and Scottish ancestry. Lucky for her, her mother was smart enough to marry an Irishman named Masterson. I never got the full scoop on Grandpa Lee, but his surname Thomas also boasts some prominent European influence. This is probably where the Scottish came from. Some of the Thomas clan also moved to Ireland way back ... they were the black sheep of the family.

So, as my dear M'ma taught me a long time ago: Leo 1/2 Italian, 1/2 German; Joan 1/2 Irish, 1/4 Scottish, 1/4 English = Steve 1/4 Italian, 1/4 German, 1/4 Irish, 1/8 English, 1/8 Scottish. In case your math is rusty, that equals 100 percent.

There you have it, young disbeliever. Of course, you kids will be so hopelessly blended in the next generation that no one will know who came from where. But when the American "race" moves to another planet and begins to colonize with the "Plutonians," or who-whatever the native species might be, the cycle will start all over again.

What think you of that! Love, Dad

I'll let you know if he writes back with anything pithy and worth repeating. But I'm pretty sure he was struck speechless, and for once, I got the last word!